Posted March 17th, 2008 by YASPY Chick · 1 Comment
Asian parents always want to refine their children. This includes enrolling them in music lessons at a very young age until about the beginning of high school. But not just any kind of music lessons: piano or violin “edification.” (At times, flute is acceptable too.) These instruments symbolize, to many Asians, the epitome of refinement. It isn’t too different from the English during the Regency and Victorian periods when a young middle class woman’s ability to play piano was a sign of her sophistication. This asian refinement is a sign of accomplishment because the asian parents are able to “afford” these frills. The children, due to their parents constant struggle to show other parents up, are forced to take these lessons.
The piano is considered by asians as the core instrument that one learns in order to first un
derstand the essentials of music. Why? In order to successfully know how to play piano, asians must know how to read both the treble and bass clefs. That means understanding the intricacies of a whole other language at the ripe age of 3, which in turn, allows most asian children to comprehend how to efficiently use their left and right brain hemispheres at an earlier age. Do you ever wonder why asian children are so gifted mathematically and spatially? That’s your answer. Asians will also enroll their children in musical classes to serve the community.
For Asian-Christian families, the ability to play piano means that the child can have his or her turn at “performing” during church services. That way, Mrs. Chung can brag (more on bragging below) to everyone that it’s her Jenny out there playing “‘Praise My Soul’ like an angel.” The accolades don’t end in the congregation hall. That’s why pianos are, most importantly, expensive. To have one in the living room is a subtle (in an asian sense) way of telling everyone that the Asians are keeping up with the “Joneses” (or the Wongs).
In asian circles, piano is the choice instrument, followed very closely by the violin. The violin is often a preference because it’s small and portable, great for young children. Asian kids start private music lessons as 
kindergarteners (before they start learning how to use chopsticks, but after they start their introductory calculus lessons), or even while in pre-school (I had my first piano lesson just before my 4th birthday)! The sound it makes is very soft and smooth when playing strictly classical music (a proper Asian kid does NOT fiddle). The violin, like piano, is also more likely to be a “star” instrument, which will more times than none draw more attention to the child’s parents.
To Conservative Asians, most other instruments are a no-no. Especially brass instruments and instruments associated with bands and more popular music. To Asian parents, instruments such as trombones, saxophones, trumpets, percussive drums, guitar (especially ELECTRIC GUITAR) are blasphemous. Asian parents don’t want their child to risk becoming evil rock musicians! Asian kids must be proper. They must be able to play the kind of music that can be heard at church or when family friends visit. They must be able to read at a 5th grade level before they are potty-trained. And most importantly, they must learn how to heckle with other children when trading lunches in order to achieve the most economical utility.
Note from Author: Acceptable instruments other than piano and violin include: flute, clarinet, oboe, cello (only after Yo-Yo Ma became a big star), and vocal ensembles. (At my middle and high schools, the flute sections at ensembles were overwhelmingly Asian while brass instruments were white.) The guitar is allowed after the age of 18, when children are legal adults and want to play sad songs about how the girl in Multi-Quantum Physics isn’t digging their outfit or accepting their invitations to buy boba (but let’s save that for a later post).
The true Asian chef will use only a knife and cutting board to prepare their meal. This is ironic, because of the many different types of cuisine in the world, the various Asian cuisines almost scream for the use of a food processor. Garlic must be minced into pieces as small as possible, beef sliced paper-thin, and carrots cut into thin strips; the list goes on. Name an Asian dish, and there will be at least three ways a food processor will help (Note, please do not send me recipes to try and prove this statement false. I really don’t care). This is almost invariably true because most Asian dishes require: a) minced garlic, b) chopped/minced onions/spring onions/ginger and c) some kind of slicing.
purchased or received at one point. Like the knives, most of them will remain untouched for years. Because Asians absolutely loathe throwing away useful things (future post), these items will build up over the years. However, certain items will be used meal after meal: a large pot for soup/porridge, a steamer, a rice cooker (of course). But perhaps the crown jewel of the Asian kitchen is the wok. Almost everything in an Asian person’s stomach at one point was conceived in a wok.